FML Guy from Superbad

Today I am honoring FML guy from Superbad as our trendsetter of 2007.

His life sucks. He is large, not quite in charge, and has to clean up at his job after Fagell spills a bunch of beers and doesn't even squeak out an apology.

However, he coined the term "fuck my life" which later corresponded into the popular website, www.Fmylife.com. Today, we honor you sir, and say with all seriousness, FYL.

P.s. Yes, this post was 4 years late, but what can I say. At least this guy is getting some recognition. He's probably not even around anymore. Actually, I hope he got fired when he stole all that booze from his workplace and brought it to that sketchy party. Again, FYL Sir.

Arogog Attacks !

What the hell is Happening on Zooey 101?

Barney 2 on Ice

Facial Gone Wrong

The Jungle Book

Last night, I was watching Discovery Channel and came across an extremely interesting special on Jungle Men. Apparently, a guy named Daniel Hillard lived in the Amazon amongst the monkeys for over twenty years, then randomly decided he wanted to go back and work for his dad’s shoe company. What a moron. Why would he give up his exotic lifestyle for footwear manufacturing?

Regardless of his honorable yet questionable decision to continue the family legacy, this guy was not the best jungle-man. He was a bumbling fool who could hardly get through a day in the suburban New Hampshire environment. These are my reasons for doubting his self-proclaimed "jungleman" status:

1. He was not animal-savvy. He couldn’t deal with the lion, monkeys, stampede, werewolves, anything. He could barely go swimming without getting attacked by an alligator. He didn’t even help when his boyfriend turned into a monkey. He didn’t put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That guy’s gotta think “You got a monkey, you got a responsibility.” If your friend turns into a monkey, you don’t watch him transform for an hour then call it quits. You contact Ms. Lippy immediately, she always has the answer.

2. He wasn’t even friends with the monkeys. I mean, come on. How hard is it to keep a group of monkeys under control and stop them from throwing silverware around? They are his ancestors for crying out loud! He should know how to get on their level! If he were a true jungle man, he would have been able to speak Tamarin, Capuchin, or at LEAST know the dialect of the White-Fronted Spider Monkey, which I believe is the species that resided in the Parrish’s kitchen.

3. How hard is it to kill a mosquito? Yeah, it was large and made an intimidating buzzing noise, but all he had to do was swat it with one of his dreadlocks and it would have died, relieving the gang of a lot of unnecessary stress. He later told the camera crew that he was afraid of getting West Nile. I don’t believe him. I know for a fact he got the vaccine months ago.

4. He was very uncomfortable with typical jungle décor. He was terrified of the vines, extremely frazzled during the light rain, completely baffled when he was being sucked into the quicksand. A true jungle-man would have a few tricks up his sleeve when caught in a sticky situation such as this, but this guy just didn’t cut it. He probably was teased when he was in the jungle for being such a pansy.

In conclusion, I did not approve of this jungle-man's heroic tale because it was 100% false. I know from experience - I myself lived in the jungle for quite some time and I know exactly what it's like. Anyway, this man was a liar and should probably get his pediatric medical license taken away - I mean, dressing up like a clown and putting on a red rubber nose doesn't heal sick children, if anything all it does is make them wish they were dead already.

Ruth

Ruth is a documentary about a phenomenal woman. Ruth was a hard working 48 (okay, 55, but she claimed she was 48) year old lunch lady. Children were her life. She spent her evenings singing in the church choir and the weekends putting on puppet shows for youth in CCD at the Parish. When I say she was and did all these things, I mean she was and did before the incident. That was until she had her first sloppy joe. From the first bite, a love affair began. It has been compared to the love shared between Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. She finally cracked when someone at a church cookout tried to take away her plate with one bite of a sloppy joe left and she smacked a 6 year old girl with a spatula. After she was taken into the police station and refused to admit that she was not, in fact, Mrs. Ruth Sloppy-Joe, she was placed in a mental institution. She is alive to this day but will not respond to anything without adding the words “sloppy joe” onto the end of every sentence.

She has become a popular reference in popular culture, in particular in the college drinking game “Circle of Death” when someone pulls the “rule” card. It is popular to create a rule where someone must end every sentence with “sloppy joe,” and when the rule is forgotten, the perpetrator must chug a whole beer while everyone in the room points, laughs, and makes fun of the “Ruth” in the room.